Mothers have a HUGE influence. Good mothering can help children thrive and grow up to be physically, mentally, and emotionally strong adults who seem to have an unending reservoir of positive mental attitude and resilience. Bad mothering, on the other hand, can have the opposite effect.
Let’s face it, we are all human and a lot of us come from imperfect families. Some may even come from broken homes where they neither felt loved nor safe. That’s the type of home I came from. As an adult I can honestly say, my parents did their best with what they had. As an adult, I resent them less because I realize they learned their parenting style from their parents before them.
As for me and my family. I refuse to give in and repeat the mistakes my parents made. As they say, the buck needs to stop somewhere. Here are 5 easy steps to not ruining your kid’s life.
- LOVE THEM: this my seem obvious but you’d be surprised how many children feel unloved by their parents. Remind them frequently. Be encouraging, try to not be overly critical, hug them.
- SPEND QUALITY TIME TOGETHER: have real conversations. Get to know them, their interests, and some of the challenges they are facing. Most importantly LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN. The better you know your children, the easier it is to mentor them. Two tips I have found useful are:
- Think before you speak, is the word that will be coming out of your mouth encouraging and positive?
- (2) Have “date night” with your kids. Let them choose the activity. It can be as simple as going to the pet store or grocery shopping together.
- HELP THEM WORK TOWARD THEIR GOALS: It’s sweet, tender, and so powerful to set aside time in your busy schedule to help them work towards different goals they may have. It also is a great opportunity to instill faith in them. Be encouraging, help them to focus on perfect practice (so when it is time to show up, they are ready), and teach resilience.
- TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF: Cannot fill another cup if your physical, mental, emotional cups are empty. Going to spend 1 hour a day to workout is not selfish. Getting your nails done once a month is not selfish. Locking yourself up in your room just to lay down and rest for 15 minutes is not selfish. You just have to schedule it and don’t overdo it. Mothering is difficult sometimes because you’re so popular. Trust me, an hour away from you children on a regular basis won’t dilute your popular girl social status within the family but it may prevent you from becoming that “crazy uncle” everyone seems to have.
- TEACH THEM HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES: Caring for their own physical, mental, and emotional well-being is a skill set Millennials seem to be lacking. There’s a certain point in life where mama can no longer fix everything.
Find age appropriate self-care expectations and make it fun. Sing songs and don’t forget to cheer together when the work is finished.
Being an instrument for good in the world by being a wonderful mother is powerful beyond measure. Your good example can influence future generations, even many you will not even meet in your lifetime. This list is by no means comprehensive and the best part of this mothering is learning from other mothers who are wiser and offer a different perspective.
Please share your well earned wisdom. What worked for you and your family and what didn’t? What are your most important rules for not ruining your child’s life.