Like many moms I struggle.
Some days being a mom is the best thing in the world, other days I feel like despite my best efforts the house is never clean enough, I didn’t eat healthy enough, and my progress has stagnated.
So what’s the solution? How do I pull myself out the deep pit of misery, self-doubt, and self-loathing to be a positive influence for good on my family and friends?
This is a question I really wanted answered so I committed 3 weeks to read all I could quickly and this is what I got. Hope this helps because just remember For good or bad, our actions, our attitudes, and our demeanor influences our children’s quality of life and how they choose to approach life.
(Just a disclaimer: halfway through this article I realized a lot of the book recommendations are business books but the ideas crossover to motherhood beautifully)
- Build Mental Toughness: Recent scientific research has concluded that the biggest differentiator between those who experience success and failure is the ability to overcome setbacks and keep going. They use lots of words to describe this quality: mental toughness, resiliency, determination, and grit. Even when controlled for natural ability, grit wins out.
So even if you’re not the most nurturing by nature, or started motherhood with little to no experience (like I did), your determination to be a good mother and constantly learn, grow, and take on new challenges that will benefit your posterity is what matters most.
Books I liked on this topic: Harvard Business Review’s On Mental Toughness, How Children Succeed by Paul Tough - Stay Inspired- Know your Why– If you don’t know where you are going, any road can take you there. – Cheshire Cat
How right he is… All mothers are different, all kids are different, all families are different. The art of being a good mother is helping your family get from A to B without losing your happiness in the process. Motivational guru Simon Sinek believes Fulfillment comes when we live our lives with purpose and intention. Discover your personal why and let that lead.
One practice that my mother’s best friend has done for years and we started doing a few years ago is create an inspiration board at the beginning of each new year outlining what we hope to accomplish, you can even do another in 6 months time. The boards serve as a reminder of what our goals are and as keepsakes.
Books I liked on this topic: Start with Why by Simon Sinek, Brenden Buchard’s The Charge - Stay Healthy– Physically, mentally, emotionally. I won’t go into too much detail about this because it is a given and there are plenty of books written about it. All I will say is drink lots of water, rest well, and stay positive. Exercise in an enjoyable way, if you hate the gym don’t go… Do something that gets you moving that you enjoy whether it be dancing, walking outside, or hiking. The Swedish have a quote, “There’s no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothes” invest in rain boots, a good jacket, or find them at the thrift store. Whatever you do, don’t sit on the couch, watch TV, munching on food- it’s killing you softly…
- Plan Out Your Days- Having an outline of what you’d like to accomplish and going about it in a positive efficient way and reflecting on the blessings of the day and ways you can improve next time are all water droplets in a bucket of personal growth. Brenden Buchard has a great planner/journal (trust me this one is great because I am an owner of other 20 different journals) it’s called what else but the High Performance Planner.
If you’re not ready to invest in yourself to this level, ask yourself- when was the last time you spend over $20 at a fast food restaurant or eating out? This journal is $15 for a month’s worth and $50 for a years worth of personal history and growth. You’re worth it. - Connect with others- We are built to thrive on connecting with others. Matthew Liberman has a great TED Talk about the Social Brain and how humans thrive when we feel connected to others. On the other hand, when we feel excluded or ostracized the same regions that register physical pain is also active when emotional pain occurs.
Lesson: Connect with others that uplift. Avoid those who cause you emotional pain.
I’m not sure if this is true or not but someone once told me, most people are the average of all their close friends. So keep good company.